I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
