i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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