I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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