I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its not stalking. its research.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
