I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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