im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
