So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
