my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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