Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
