so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
