Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
