My friends, they love my intelligence
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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