i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
