I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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