Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
