Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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