i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
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i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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