this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
