if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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