return my video game
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
