the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
