Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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