I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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