There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dignity is for republicans.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
