"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just had sex bonerless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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