apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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