I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
