this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
