4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
