I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
