That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
