The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
