So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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