please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
