i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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