Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
