Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
