people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
