took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
