plz talk dirty to me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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