my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
