Your tits are I can't wait for
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
