So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
