I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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