Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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