i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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