And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
