if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
