I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
