i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
two words: eviction party
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My penis needs a shock collar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
