Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
