i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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