so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
