I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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