Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
