i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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