I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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