Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
