Just fell off a train. Bad.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
