As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
